Graduation: Pre-Commencment

Graduating college. Is there any real way to be prepared for it? Physically, I know it's happening: I have my black cap and gown with my white tassel, my family already has their tickets (except one that my friend Kelli will have to give them because I forgot - yikes!), and the ceremony itself will be taking place in less than 3 hours.

Emotionally, however, it doesn't seem like it's happening. I still feel like a college student. Summer vacation! Time to get a job. Come August, I will come back to school and continue to count down the days when I will be leaving.

But my days are passed being numbered. They're up.

From those that I've spoken to, not being a college student anymore becomes a reality in a variety of ways. Some say half-way through your last semester. Others say when the friends you've left behind are going back in the Fall and you aren't. Plus, no Winter or Spring breaks! That's depressing as hell. I almost want to be a teacher just to maintain that lifestyle. Almost.

A friend of mine who's been out of school for a year and a half says she still can't deal with not being a student of any sort.

And the future? Oh boy, that's a mystery in and of itself.

On one hand, I'm torn and worried about what will happen. It's easy to say at this point in my live "I have plenty of time." But there comes a point where that time slips away, just like those four years of undergrad, and then I'll say to myself "Where did it all go?"

On the other hand, I'm not worried. If I stay focused and committed to achieving my goals and doing what's best for myself, things will happen. And if they don't, it's no one elses fault but my own.

I'm not sure how I will feel. And I'm not sure that it'll be just one moment or several. A part of me believes I'll deal with leaving school once it's all slipped away and I've completely moved home.

All I know is that I woke up this morning, ran around my neighborhood, and enjoyed how I felt: Content. At this point, that's the best I can hope for